My parents were divorce when I was 7 years old.  My Dad was in the Air Force and a Vietnam Veteran, in my early years we had traveled around the US and abroad to Japan.  Following the divorce my Mom moved us back to the Midwest.  My Mom worked very hard as a single parent, often holding down 2 to 3 jobs.  Both my parents exemplified through hard work anything was obtainable.  Later in life they both would have personal battles with cancer.  My Dad lost his battle in 2003 after his 3rd go around.  My Mom's breast cancer has been in remission for over a year.

Although I was the third child out of 4, I took on the care taker role quite naturally.  I married Alan my high school sweetheart at the age of 18, and worked full time while earning my college degree, becoming the first in my family to graduate from college.  Once I obtained my career we made the decision to start our family.  This decision took us through 5 years of heartache and pain.  Our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.  Our second pregnancy was difficult, as I was very sick and suffered from borderline toxemia and diabetes.  However in July 1989 we were blessed with Amanda, our beautiful and healthy baby girl. 

On September 20, 1993 after another difficult full term pregnancy and 3 days of labor, we were anxious for the arrival of our second child.  We were heartbroken when during the delivery the doctors discovered our beautiful Pamela had a fatal birth defect, and there was nothing anyone could do to save her.  We waited a year to try again, only to have all 3 pregnancies end in miscarriages during the first trimester of each pregnancy, in a little of a years time.  Our hopes and dreams of our perfect family were shattered.  Shortly after this I was blessed with a "God Wink" (a coincidental intervention from God).   While visiting a cemetery I was drawn to a tombstone.  The tombstone had a large and small heart, inside of the hearts was a Mama horse and a baby horse that were nuzzling their noses together.  In reading the tombstone I learned the story of a mother and her daughter both dying during birth.

I knew this 'God Wink" meant that is was time to give up my dream of more children, to not look at the glass half empty, but rather half full.  I knew God was with me, and that I probably was not supposed to have any children; however he had blessed us with Amanda.  Our faith in God, love for each other, and the support of our family and friends sustained us, and helped us to heal from this heartache.  We made the most of each day and the years flew by.  In honor of our 15th year wedding anniversary we took a 4 day cruise to Mexico.  We enjoyed horseback riding, snorkeling, dancing the night away and spending hours in the outdoor hot tub viewing the most breathtaking sunset we had ever seen.  We were so happy.

The very next day our world was turned upside down.  I woke up completely groggy and tired.  I thought, I must have had too much fun.  While trying to take the steps to breakfast my legs felt so heavy and swollen, I could barely lift them.  It took an enormous amount of energy to get up the stairs.  Upon returning homes, things worsened I was having trouble sleeping, had numbing and tingling on my left side and was trembling.  We feared I might have caught some virus in Mexico.  We spent 2 months attending doctor appointments and hearing speculations on what could be happening to me.   Some doctors said it was all in my head, and that I was fine.  What was a physical challenge; now became an emotional challenge.  Was I just imagining all of these strange symptoms?

Then thru an ER doctor "God Winked" and brought us to Dr. Garnaas, a neurologist whom we call our guardian angel.  I told her I would not go over my symptomatic issues, but rather wanted to share the development of my days.  She listened intently and asked for input from Alan.  She performed sensory and balance tests on me.  She shared her suspicions of MS with us.  She wanted to do some further testing for certainty, so I had a spinal tap and an MRI of my spine and brain. 

On April 20, 2001 the test confirmed the suspicions; I heard the words "You have MS".  At first, it was a relief to finally have a name for what was going on with me.  This however was soon replaced with anger, fear and depression.  I cried for 4 days straight, all I could think was the worse, I feared being confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life, unable to walk, dance or enjoy activities with my daughter.  At one point I was driving home from work on a gravel road, and my head was filled with thoughts of how easy it would be to crank the wheel and lose control of my vehicle.  I was angry, at 33 I felt like I was being cheated out of life.   

I immediately started a week of IV treatment of steroids and during my last treatment, "God Winked" upon me again; he brought Susie into my life.  Susie's smile radiated the room and the twinkle in her eyes was contagious.  Susie had been living with MS for 30 years.  When she was first diagnosed experimental treatments were only available via the lottery system.  Susie felt she was doing good, and unselfishly declined the treatments for someone who needed them more.  In recent years her MS had progressed, she was confined to a wheelchair with no movement in her legs, she had limited movement in her arms and had difficulty speaking and swallowing.  She shared with me that giving up her chance for treatment, was her biggest regret in life.  Despite her struggles, Susie still offered me Hope!!!

When I met with my doctor to discuss what next, I had no doubt in my mind I would go on the treatment that might reduce the progression of disability with my MS.  "To live today with NO regrets, not to look back and say I wish I had done that, but say I am glad I did. "   I chose Avonex (Biogen Idec) for the convenience of the weekly shot, verses daily or every other day.    In time I started regaining my strength and energy. I started being more optimistic. I researched information on MS, and became knowledgeable.   Knowledge is Power and most importantly I learned how to help myself.

I had to learn that my energy should be compared to a checkbook. And no matter how much you wanted to contribute, you could not give to everyone. I had to learn how to say "NO" and not feel guilty about that. I had to take care of myself first. I had to learn to listen to my body, and that when it was tired I needed to rest. That my family and job would be o.k. if things were delayed, that the housework and dishes could wait, that plans can be rearranged.

The hardest part of the diagnosis was feeling like my dream of being a mother, was once again being taken away from me. I prayed hard, I bargained with God, that if he gave me 6 active years with my 11 year old daughter Amanda, until she graduated from high school, that I would accept whatever my fate was.  I surpassed that 6 year milestone in 2007, and am now on bonus time.   MS has given me the appreciation of the things I used to take for granted.  MS has taught me it is o.k. to be selfish to find the time to exercise, eat right and get plenty of rest.  I have MS, but MS does not have me.  My life has not stopped; I can keep living and still have big dreams and goals.  When I was healthy I was inspired by my older brother Larry when he completed his first marathon, and then followed up with others. Now, the thought was really spinning in my head could I do this, and make a difference at the same time.

I firmly believe, "The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they make the best of everything."   In the spring of 2005 I ran my first half marathon and raised funds for MS, that is how "Making MY mark against MS one step at a time" began.  In appreciation of how well I was doing and as a thank you to all those that supported me, I wanted to give back.

In the spring of 2006 with the love and support of my family and friends I completed my first full marathon.  This was an accomplishment I did not believe I could do healthy, let alone with MS.  I tell people I don't run fast, just far  with my message of HOPE.  The joy of the day will remain with me for the rest of my life. If my MS ever requires me to use the assistance of a cane, walker or wheelchair, I will proudly be able to show my Marathon Medal and say "I RAN A FULL MARATHON,"  & I am glad I did this.  I completed my second marathon in October of 2007 at the Chicago Marathon, a marathon that became national news, as it had over 40,000 participants, experienced record breaking temperatures of almost 100 and sadly suffered one fatality.  In 2007 I completed my first triathlon and in 2008 began doing the MS Bike Tours.

Running and biking have greatly enriched my life with some very special friends.  Running gives me a sense of freedom as I feel the wind blow through my hair and hear the thumping of my feet as they hit the pavement and enjoy the beauty and nature around me.  Biking makes me feel powerful and strong as I watch the miles go by.  Additionally both have provided  opportunities to bring more awareness for MS, while raising funds for a cure in the process.

To date I have completed 2 full marathons, 7 half marathons, 2 sprint triathlon,3 MS Bike Tours, several 10k's and 5k's, am an MS Advocate, Motivational Speaker and was honored as the 2006 North Central Chapter Achiever of the Year, 2008 Band Against MS Hero and 2008 North Central Chapter Tour of Champion Winner.  I have volunteered for many MS Events, served on the MS Walk committee, but more importantly with the help of my family, friends and community we have raised over $30,000.00 for MS. 

I have suffered 2 exacerbations since my initial diagnosis, I continue to struggle with fatigue, insomnia, vertigo and balance issues, numbing and tingling on my left side and overall body trembling.  I have to be cautious about over training and overheating.  I have to make sure I am getting plenty of rest, and most importantly that I am listening to my body and know when it is not a good day to train or work out.  I have to deal with the occasional side effects from my medication.